For all of us, discovery of the lifestyle and our "awakening" , only leads to more questions. For some, the first question may be…."What am I, Dom/me or sub?". This can be a troubling question, for it defines who and what we are. It is the label we choose for ourselves, and although the discovery of the lifestyle may speak to newly found needs, the question may remain as to which role, Dominant or submissive, that is right for you.
In seeking that answer, I find two potential bumps in the road. First is that the feeling of excitement at discovering the lifestyle may become overwhelming, and we may feel the desire to make hasty, uninformed decisions. The truth of the matter is that the answer has already been determined. You are what you are. Always have been. The journey you're on now is one of self-discovery. Looking within yourself to find the answers that only you possess.
Finding answers implies having questions. And you can ask yourself many questions about what you see and learn about. About what interests you, what excites you, and even what turns you off. Additionally, people you meet that may be knowledgeable in the lifestyle may help in asking the questions to which you can find answers.
And that brings Me to the second bump in the road as you determine who and what you are. Please, don't fall prey to those that TELL you what you are. A common theme on this website will be the fact that it is your life. It's personal and unique to you. Don't let others live it for you. Find your own answers, that work for you as an individual.
The most common falsehood is fed to submissives that are "spirited", independent and opinionated. I hope not to be the first to tell you that those qualities do NOT make one a Dominant, or preclude one from being submissive. That is just you, as an individual. And the person telling you that those qualities are not "submissive" qualities is simply expressing their personal taste in the qualities they find attractive in a submissive.
It simply reinforces the need for strong communication, for sharing and questioning, before finding a partner. Finding someone that values and seeks the qualities you possess is called compatibility. Compatibility in needs, desires, lifestyle, and personality. One Dominant may desire a submissive that is meek and mild. The next may value independence and a strong spirit.
The trick is to be yourself. Know yourself. There will be someone that values you for you.
Rover«»
Copyright 2001
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